Does Halloween affect your sex life?

With October 31 just days away, we’re down to the wire when it comes to what to wear for Halloween this year. Or, maybe you’ve decided to just skip the whole thing and forget about it. If that’s the case, hold up. According to research, dressing up for Halloween creates three major experiences that we all deserve: fantasies, feelings, and fun. Who doesn’t want to be someone else for a change? Whilst still a predominantly American phenomenon we are seeing it’s popularity grow in the UK.

Although Halloween used to be solely associated with a kid’s holiday, it has become something that people of all ages embrace. Research has found that the majority of adults dress up for Halloween, at 64 percent, and here in the States, where Halloween is celebrated the most than in any other country, Americans will spend almost $7 billion on Halloween, including costumes, parties, and all the rest of the fun that comes with it. Adults even spend far more on their costumes than kids, with the little ones spending roughly $950 million and the adults dropping $1.2 billion ― that’s how big of a deal it is for us.

1. Women Who Believe In Ghosts Like To Film Themselves Having Sex
According to OkCupid’s findings, women who believe in ghosts are seven percent more likely to film themselves having sex, than those who do not believe in ghosts. As for why, the research can’t say. It’s just that that happens to be the case.

2. Dressing Up For Halloween Means You’re Probably Into Dressing Up For Sex
It seems that if you’re the type of person who dresses up for Halloween, then you’re 19 percent more open to the idea of dressing up for sex, too, as in role play. Whether you decide to take the route of dressing up as a school girl or a large slice of pizza, those who revel in Halloween are more likely to revel in costumes every other night of the year, too.

3. Fans Of Scary Movies Are More Likely To Be Into Pain During Sex
If you’re into scary movies and you like pain during sex, then you’re not alone. According to the data, it’s those who can’t get enough of The Shining and similar movies who are 15 percent more likely to enjoy pain while getting it on with their partner. Dripping hot wax with some Silence of the Lambs in the background, anybody?

4. Dungeon And Dragon Players Are Practically Vampires
How this particular one has any correlation is beyond me, but as OkCupid found those who play Dungeons and Dragons are 20 percent more likely to love the taste of blood. How does one even know they like the taste of blood if they’re not a vampire by night is my question, but different strokes for different folks, as my dad always says.

5. Video Games Just Lead You Directly To Serial Killers
People who spend eight hours or more a day playing video games, are 25 percent more likely to actually think it’s a-OK to have sex with a serial killer. Huh? Takeaway: Cut those video game playing hours to 7.75 just to be on the safe side. Prolific serial killers like Ted Bundy may be long gone, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t an active serial killer in the making somewhere, plotting their next kill not too faraway. Spooky stuff.

By AMANDA CHATEL (originally featured on Bustle)

How often should you be having sex?

Most couples and individuals who comes into sex therapist Tammy Nelson’s office want to know the same thing: Is my sex life with my partner normal?

“They want to know if they are having enough sex, the right kind of sex, if their partner wants too much sex,” Nelson, a sexologist and the author of The New Monogamy, said. “Sometimes, they’re worried that they should be doing something totally different in bed.”
In response, Nelson usually tells people the same thing.

“Forget about ‘normal.’ ‘Normal’ is a setting on the washing machine, nothing more. What’s most important is that you learn to have empathy for your partner and accept whatever their needs might be, even if they are different than your own,” she explained.
Below, Nelson and other sex therapists share the advice they give couples concerned about their sex lives (or lack thereof).

Stop worrying about how often other couples are doing it.

Forgot about keeping up with the Jones’ very active sex life: Each couple has a “norm” when it comes to sex and that’s what you should be concerned about, said Dawn Michael, a sexologist and the author of My Husband Won’t Have Sex With Me.
“If a couple had sex three times a week for many years and it’s now down to once a week, the pattern has changed and the frequency has gone down,” she said. “We focus on that in our conversation.”

But Michael also stresses that when it comes to sex, there is no magic number ― and most couples who say they’re getting it on all the time are fibbing.

“A lot of couples will say they have sex three times a week, but from what I see in my private practice, that number does not correlate with the truth.”

What’s normal for you now won’t be what’s normal for you in a few years.

What matters more than finding a nationwide average is determining how sexually satisfied you are at this point in your life, said Chris Rose, sex educator at the website Pleasure Mechanics.

“Your shared sex life is a constant navigation between the tides of your libido, your time and energy, and mutual desire to prioritize sex,” she said. “Frequent conversations about your sex life ― and increasing the amount of affectionate touch you share outside of the bedroom ― may
actually be the most important factors in a long-term sexually satisfying relationship.”

Don’t lose hope if you’re the partner with the higher sex drive.

Someone needs to maintain an interest in your sex life. Otherwise, you might end up in a dead bedroom situation, said Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and New York Times-bestselling author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.
As he points out, sex isn’t always spontaneous; sometimes, kick starting your sex life requires focusing on arousal over orgasms and just enjoying the moment and the buildup.

“I tell couples that for many people, sexual desire doesn’t emerge at the start of sex, but more toward the middle,” he said. “You need to commit to generating some kind of arousal (through kissing, making out, dancing, reading erotica or watching porn) that may lead to desire. Be willing to generate arousal and see where it goes.”

If you’re the partner with the lower sex drive, determine if there’s a reason.

If you’re the partner who is less interested in sex, there’s no need to feel shame, said Celeste Hirschman, a sex therapist and the co-author of Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion. Desire discrepancy in relationships is more common than most people realize.

As Hirschman’s co-author Danielle Harel explains, if you want things to change, you have to be willing to deep dive into why you’re disinterested in sex. It could be that you’re experiencing physical and hormonal fluctuations and intercourse is painful ― or maybe you’re just tired of doing the same ol’ thing in the bedroom.

“Sometimes, the lower sex drive partner might not be getting the kind of sex they want or they might be feeling too much pressure from their partner which makes them feel obligated,” Harel said. “Feeling obligated to have sex is definitely not sexy.”
Remember: Good sex can’t be quantified.

At the end of the night, when you’re laying in bed with your partner, don’t stare at the ceiling and wonder if your sex life is “normal” compared to others. Be proactive: Reach out to your S.O. and talk about what both of you want in the bedroom, Nelson said.

“Try new things,” she said. “Snuggle more, masturbate, negotiate an open relationship if you’re into that, but make sure you always talk about what is important to you,” she said. “Never silently seethe or hold resentment.”
She added: “The secret to a satisfying sex life is not just getting the sex that you want, it’s learning how to give your partner what they want, too.”

Article originally featured on Huffington Post

Sexmas Parties: 39% of workers have sex at the annual event

The festive season may be a time for good will and sharing – but it’s also apparently the perfect excuse to hook-up with the cute person from accounts, according to a survey which has revealed that 39 per cent of people have had sex at their work Christmas party.

Even more people admitted that the annual knees-up offered the chance to kiss a co-worker, with over locking lips at the event.

A survey of 2,000 UK adults by Ann Summers revealed that IT and HR are the professions most likely to snog or have sex with a colleague or get incredibly drunk at the Christmas party, at 63 per cent and 56 per cent respectively.

This was compared with 27 per cent of those in education and 29 per cent in health.

The survey also pinpointed the locations where employees were most likely to hook up – with a quarter opting for the romantic setting which is the car-park and over a fifth the board room.

A further 18 per cent of people were filled with lust in the storage cupboard.

Apparently not concerned with having flashbacks of regret replaying in their minds all year, a brave 15 per cent had sex on their own desk.

Meanwhile, one in 10 had sex in the office canteen, while 8 per cent let go on the green felt of the office pool table.

And with 65 per cent of senior managers claiming to have sex compared with 28 per cent of directors and 26 per cent of junior staff members, it seems that a good example isn’t being set from the top.

The professions most likely snog, have sex or get incredibly drunk at the Christmas party

1. IT (76%)

2. Legal (74%)

3. HR (72%)

4. Transport and logistics (72%)

5. Finance (71%)

6. Media and marketing (68%)

7. Sales (67%)

8. Business administration (57%)

9. Health (52%)

10. Education (45%)

office-party

Article originally published in the Independent 1/12/15

5 Reasons to try Sex Toys

5 Good reasons for trying Sex Toys
Many times I am asked why use a sex toy at all? For many they say to me that they do not need that kind of thing, for others there is the thought that embarrassment or rejection of the idea will cause difficulties. Some men may feel threatened by the suggestion of a sex toy and others get turned on by the idea. We are all different, but unless we have a go, it is like saying we do not like Chinese food because we have never eaten it! So I have my top 5 reasons for trying a sex toy in the first place. It is also worth noting when I do my workshops that more than 40 reasons can be found for a sex toy, but that is another article! Read more